Saturday, November 24, 2007

My Kids are Barbarians

or as my mother-in-law likes to call them, "white trash". Although, are they still considered white trash if they are part Hispanic? My mom would probably say they are "indios". Maybe they are "indio trash" as both terms in their respective cultures are derogatory terms for someone who is uncivilized.

But either way, my kids have a hard time keeping their clothes on no matter how frigid it may be. Thanksgiving was no exception, of course. Big Brother had his shirt torn off just an hour after our first guests arrived and was wearing nothing but his underwear before everyone left. The Bee had torn off his shirt and socks soon after Big Brother lost his shirt and was flaunting his little milk belly for all to see. Both were racing throughout my mother's house screaming at the top of their lungs, pretending to get in gun fights with their cousins and occasionally getting involved in minor scuffles with each other.

When it came to eating, big brother reached in for the big ole turkey drumstick soon after it was carved off and long before everyone was ready to eat. He just went right for it and gnawed off as much meat as he could--no plates or silverware necessary. He would not be bothered with any veggies or other non-carnivorous items. At least he wasn't going to get his shirt dirty as he wasn't wearing one, but he did manage to find the pretty lace table cloth to wipe his face.

The Bee, not to be outdone, kept tugging at the tablecloth and knocking many of the Thanksgiving goodies off in his futile, but clever attempts to pull the desired items that were just out of reach closer to him. He eventually discovered that digging through the aftermath of our Thanksgiving feast and pulling morsels out of the trash wasn't so bad. At one point he managed to dig out a plate with a partially eaten piece of cake from the trash and was not going to be bothered with using his hands. He just licked it off the plate. We found him doing this, covered in frosting, but again, at least there was no frosting to clean off his shirt since he wasn't wearing one.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

10 things I wish I knew before I had kids

In no particular order...

1. There will be no time for you once they are born.

2. The worrying is constant.

3. You will be wishing they learn to talk ASAP so that they can stop screaming at you, and then you will be wishing they would just shut up for a moment.

4. It will be YEARS before you get any real sleep that doesn't involve waking up in the middle of the night multiple times.

5. You will often be covered in puke or poo, and sometimes even pee.

6. Your house will never be clean again - give it up.

7. Breastfeeding is much harder than pregnancy and labor.

8. The guy named Genetics is such a jokester - you never know what your gonna get. Your kids can be a lot like the family member you try to avoid.

9. Times will be tough financially especially when they are under five - someone's gotta watch them.

10. You will never love anyone like you love your children even if some days all you want to do is throw them out the window. (figuratively, of course.)

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Nothing to Envy Here

Yep. There is nothing to envy here. Nothing that will make you think: oh I wish I had that, life's unfair, why don't I live there, why can't I write like that or take pictures like that, where's my master's degree or prestigious job, why am I not that slender, pretty, smart, popular, etc. Nope. I will give you little reason to envy me, as I know that part of what we bloggers do, is take a glimpse into the life of others to compare and covet.

Then again, today my glass is 9/10th's empty, but I promise never to brag about my life during the times I feel it overflows with the little things that make it worth living.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

By the way...

The oppossum is gone! Yeah! Well, at least it's gone from the underside of the tub, because I've had several run ins with it outside at night while attempting to exit the house. Once as I was trying to take out the trash, and another time as I was trying to get in the car to go make a quick run to the grocery store.

The time I was trying to go to the grocery store, it decided to hide under the car, and I had to get "The Dada" to chase it out because I couldn't help but imagine this creature pawing at my feet as I entered the car, or its guts splattering everywhere as my car stamped its tires onto its small furry body. Yuck!

Now's not a good time. Tomorrow won't be good either.

My mom called me today and asked me if I remembered that I still had a mother. Yes I did I told her, but the timing is always wrong I said. This time was not much better, as it was 7 am, and I found myself on my knees scrubbing bright red vomit out of the carpet, and trying to figure out how I was also going to remove the bedsheets to wash, and the toys that got splattered before the Bee decided to help me.

Don't worry, the bright red was not blood but a neon red Gatorade that Big Brother has been consuming for the past 4 days to keep hydrated from all the vomiting and diarrhea he's had to endure - thank you red # 40. The doctor's brilliant diagnosis was stomach flu again. "Yep, I figured you'd say that. Thanks" - I should have gone to medical school because I cleverly came up with the same diagnosis. Stomach flu, a catch all diagnosis for doctors who can't figure out what's up with all the puking and pooing that's going on with your kid. Oh ya, and he mentioned that he should come back in a couple days if he's still alive and puking.

Mom, your timing was awful, as it usually is. Calling me at 7 am is never a good time as like most nights, sleep was scarce. Calling me at 9 pm while I'm trying to get kids bathed, dishes cleaned, sometimes even dinner made, and kids to bed just because you have free minutes after 9 pm is not a good time either. 3 pm, maybe? Telling me that my snooty cousin has her own family life under control and implying I should too, does not make me want to call you.

And it's all very unfortunate, because I was waiting for a good time to call you and tell you thanks. Thanks for cleaning after me and washing my sheets when I was a kid. If it wasn't appreciated then, it is appreciated now. So maybe, when I get over our most recent call that left me quite irritated, I will call and say thanks, because being a mom, I now how thankless and redundant this job can be.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Quote of the Day

As my oldest son was changing out of his nighttime diaper and pulling up his underwear, he tilted his butt cheeks to the side, grinned, and exclaimed "I have a sexy boo-TY momma!"